Setsuna's Blind Dates
by NeonProdigy
Summary: When our favorite senshi couple decide that Setsuna is lonely, they try to take matters into their own hands. Good luck Haruka and Michiru, you'll need it! Updated... wait, this story gets updated?
1. Ami

Setsuna glared at the two of them. "No, absolutely not. I'm not letting you set me up on a blind date."

"But it's just one date! Besides you know her, and when have we ever led you astray?" Haruka and Michiru grinned nervously as Setsuna's eye twitched. "Besides, you've been moping ever since the decision to downgrade Pluto from…"

"Stop right there! First of all, I'm just feeling a little insulted from that, it's not like it affects my Senshi powers or anything. Second, I don't see why you're forcing me to go on a date anyway. Finally, you distinctly said "her." Did you just automatically assume that I'm a lesbian?"

The two Senshi of Wind and Water shrugged. "Well, are you?"

Setsuna looked away, her face reddening slightly from a blush. "Well, yes, but you still shouldn't have assumed I was!" She sighed before looking back at the two of them. "Fine, I'll go. Who is it anyway? You said that I know her."

Setsuna immediately didn't like the way that the two of them smiled at her.

The Senshi of Time nervously sipped a glass of water. She was sitting in a cozy little restaurant in the middle of town. Her date still hadn't shown up yet, though, in her defence, Setsuna was a little early. Looking at the entrance, she noticed someone walking inside, her face red in embarrassment. Setsuna's eye twitched as the woman's blush intensified when she noticed her. "Hello Ami."

The bluette smiled nervously at her. "Um… h-hello Setsuna." She sat down and started looking at through the menu in front of her. Setsuna could already feel the awkward silence settling in.

"So, did Haruka and Michiru talk you into this too? Or are they plotting with someone else as well?" Ami looked up in surprise.

"What? Haruka and Michiru both told me that you had been wanting to go out with me… they said a few other things, but I'm starting to think that…"

"…They were lying, yes." Setsuna sighed and smiled at the other girl. "I'm sorry about this, those two have had far too much time on their hands lately. They also have a nasty habit of assuming anything vaguely female is gay."

Ami blushed and looked down. "Um… I-I am. Gay, I mean."

The greenette continued smiling, but her eye twitched. "Oh. I see."

"Actually, there is someone I'm interested in, but I don't know what she would say if I told her. Maybe you could help me?"

Setsuna sighed in relief. Dating was difficult, but helping others with their problems was familiar territory to her. "I'd be glad to. So, who is the lucky-"

Suddenly, the front of the restaurant exploded in a flash of light, and static electricity had started to wreak havoc with the hair of everyone in the area. Sailor Jupiter stormed through the hole she'd made, and stomped up to Setsuna and Ami's table. She briefly glared in Setsuna's direction before turning to Ami, her gaze softening noticeably.

"Ami… I… I've been so afraid to tell you how I feel for so long, but when I heard about you and Setsuna, I-I knew I couldn't just keep this bottled up inside anymore! Ami Mizuno, I love you!"

Ami's eyes widened, then filled with tears as she wrapped her arms around the brunette, crying: "Oh Mako-chan! You don't know how long I've waited to hear that!"

At this moment, it should be duly noted that the rest of the restaurant's customers were staring mesmerized in their seats. This and reality television only further proves how much people love a good distraction. Had they been smart about it, they would have run during the earlier explosion. Because they didn't however, their fates were assured, and, consequently, the tabloids did not have anything new to add to their weekly "Magical Girl News" column.

The attention of the two women was drawn by light clapping from a certain nearby Senshi of Time. Setsuna smiled at the two of them before saying, "I'm glad for the two of you, you really make a cute couple."

Makoto, still as Sailor Jupiter, of course (no, she really decided that de-transforming in front of a room full of people was a good idea), looked at the greenette in confusion. "Wait, Haruka and Michiru said that-"

Both Ami and Setsuna responded at the same time. "They were lying."

"Oh. Well, that's good then, because I was seriously ready to start kicking some ass…" Makoto blushed, and scratched the back of her head nervously. "Erm, so anyway, if it's alright with you, Ami, maybe you and I could go somewhere for supper?"

Ami's face lit up as she smiled at the other girl. "I'd love to."

Setsuna sighed wistfully as the two left the building through the door (which happened to be right next to the hole Makoto made in the wall earlier) holding hands. "Ah, young love." She eventually noticed the other people in the restaurant that were still staring. Calmly, she grabbed her purse off the floor, pulled out her cell phone, and punched in some numbers.

"Hello, MIB: Japan Branch? This is Pluto. I need to call in a favor."

Setsuna shut the door behind her, and sat down on a nearby couch. Beside her, Hotaru was still up, and watching something on television.

The little Senshi of Death looked up at her. "Did your date with Ami go well, Setsuna-mama?"

"Well, it was certainly interesting. Makoto showed up in her senshi form, ready to fight me for Ami. The two of them are a couple now, so the night wasn't a complete waste… although, I had to spend an hour with a bunch of people wearing black suits wiping the memories of innocent bystanders."

"Ami and Makoto. I think that they'd make a cute couple."

Setsuna grinned a little. "I thought the exact same thing." Her smile dropped as a thought occurred to her. "Isn't it a little past your bedtime?"

The black haired girl shrugged, and grabbed a nearby bag of potato chips. "They said that I should stay downstairs for a few hours-" A slight thumping sound could be heard in the background, as well as the sound of creaking springs. There are only two actions throughout the multiverse that cause that particular combination of noises, and only one involves hitting people with pillows and wearing pajamas. "-and that it would be better if I were down here when you got back. Want some?" She offered the greenette the bag of chips.

Setsuna's eye twitch was back with a vengeance. "No, thank you, Hotaru-chan." She stood up, and materialized her Garnet Rod from wherever it is that thing stays and headed for the stairs. "Now, I'm going to go interrupt something, so just stay there for a bit. Hopefully, this will deter them from trying to set me up on another date."

Hotaru's co-mother smiled at her. Hotaru found that it was a smile that she would be glad to never have directed at her again, for it promised a great deal of pain to the subject of it's wearer's ire.

Thankfully, no one had to be sent to the emergency room. However, Haruka and Michiru both decided to wait until later to tell her that they'd already planned another blind date for her. Eventually, they also decided to do so from a bomb shelter three thousand miles away, with an automatic defense system, and with the national guard nearby. A short time after that, they also decided that it should have a very large bed and a jacuzzi.

After all, they'd want to do something worthwhile in the time they had before Setsuna would ultimately get to them.


	2. ChibiUsa

Somewhere in America (a location that will remain unspecified to protect the …innocent, yeah, heh, "innocent") Mamoru Chiba was smirking, as he made his way towards his date's house. After mailing the break-up letter to Usagi a few days before, he didn't have to feel guilty about anything. Going to college in the U.S. had been a great idea. The best part was, he didn't have to give up his "destiny" or anything. When he got back to Japan, he could just make up with Usagi and that would be that.

…Or so he thought…

Suddenly, he heard a gunshot. He turned around to see a man wearing a long coat and a fedora holding up a still smoking rifle.

"Damn it all! I missed!"

The Prince of the Earth looked up to see what the man had been firing at and blanched. Up in the sky was a winged horse, a Pegasus to those that are overly anal about that sort of thing, and the only one in this particular corner of the multiverse: Helios.

He quickly ran towards the man and grabbed the barrel of the gun. "What the hell are you doing?! Do you even know who that is?!"

"You're kidding, right?" the man asked. "Of course I know who that is! That bastard, Helios, I've been tracking him all across Europe until last week, and I've finally cornered him here in North America."

Mamoru started trying to wrench the gun out of the Pegasus Hunter's hands. "No, you can't kill him, he's supposed to marry my future daughter."

"…" The other man stared at him, until finally saying: "You want your still unborn daughter to be romantically involved with a _horse_?" He shook his head, muttering under his breath, before resuming trying to gain control of his rifle. "Will you just _let go_?

Unfortunately, Mamoru tried to get a better grip on the firearm further down, far too close to the trigger.

__

BANG!

Both men looked up to see a bird suddenly burst in a display of red gore and blood. It's remains eventually fell in front of, near, and on a passing group of girl scouts, frightening them so much that they started screaming and running away into a nearby street. Thankfully, the car that could have sealed their fates swerved at the last second, instead heading directly towards Mamoru and the Pegasus Hunter.

As the car neared the two of them, unable to stop and swerving wildly, it ran over an almost too conveniently placed nail, popping one of the tires. The driver swerved the car wildly from it's original course. The end result of this was that he only hit Mamoru, knocking him back several feet as he finally managed to stop the car.

People started to wander over towards the accident, natural human curiosity getting the better of them. The Pegasus Hunter gulped nervously, thinking: "I could get blamed for this, I better get out of here." He looked up to see the retreating form of Helios in the distance. "Aw, hell! He's getting away!" Looking around to see if anyone had noticed him yet, he stealthily moved away from the scene, before resuming his chase.

Back at Mamoru's body, a transparent form looked around at all the people nearby in confusion. He finally looked down to see his own body, lying in a quickly spreading pool of blood.

Glaring at him from nearby, was a strangely familiar looking bird. In fact, it was the soul of a very familiar bird, who'd died mere moments ago.

Mamoru's spirit's attention was suddenly brought to two… no one "voice" and something that could be called a kind of voice, only with a heavy finality to it. The kind of finality one normally associates with large slabs of stone, two dates in time, and the name of a person that, well, let's just say you won't be having a conversation with them anytime soon.

However, if you are, you should seek the services of a man with a chainsaw for a hand.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S "YOUR TURN"?

"You got the last one, and if the two of us are going to have to work in the same universe together, we'd better settle on some kind of schedule or something."

Mamoru didn't know quite what to think of the two figures. The one with the kind-of-voice was wearing a black cloak, his face hidden by a hood. His hands, he noticed, were bleached white bone, and holding a scythe. The other one, with a perky, chipper voice, was a pale girl dressed in black. Notably, there was an ankh hanging from around her neck.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE MUST BOTH EXIST IN THE SAME WORLD. ONE DEATH SEEMS ENOUGH TO ME.

From somewhere below them, a third voice said: SQUEEK?

The female Death added, "Yeah, what he said!"

Shaking his head, Death was glad to not have all those troublesome organs, arteries, and various accoutrements humans had to deal with, or he'd have already gotten a headache.

I HATE CROSSOVERS…

Some time later, at the Hikawa Shrine, you would have been greeted with the sight of a sobbing Usagi Tsukino sitting on the floor in Rei's room, clutching a letter. The Inner Senshi were trying to console the distraught princess.

"Sniff Wh-why would he do this to me?! Haven't I been a good girlfriend?"

Rei was patting the blonde's hand, trying to comfort her. "You haven't done anything wrong! That jerk doesn't know what he's giving up."

Cuddling nearby, Ami and Makoto would have agreed with the miko, but were a little too preoccupied with one another to pay any attention. Two certain Outer Senshi would have been proud, especially when you considered the brief and spontaneous shower of flower petals that swirled in the wind around them inside Rei's fully enclosed room. Minako was quite certain that bits of plant matter had managed to become tangled in her hair.

"Usagi, don't let him take advantage of you like that! He's probably planning on crawling back to you after we start Crystal Tokyo. You should move on and show him that he can't just play with your feelings, after all, there are plenty of other fish in the barrel!" said Minako.

Usagi looked at the blonde for a few seconds before leaping up. "You're absolutely right, Mina-chan! Well, except about the barrel. If Mamoru thinks that he can just leave me for some woman in America, and then come back expecting me to jump back in his arms, he's got another thing coming!"

"Yeah, there you go Usagi! There are plenty of other single people out there!" said Rei, but she mentally added: "Now if I can just get you to realize that I'm one of them…"

She blushed as Usagi suddenly hugged her. "Thank you Rei. You're not usually this understanding." "Oh, Rei" the blonde thought "I wish you'd show this side of you more often. I really love it when you're like this." She opened her eyes, noticing that the two of them were so near each other, their lips so close… Blushing nearly as much as Rei, she pulled away, laughing nervously. "Um, so, I think I should get going now. I'll see all of you later."

"Yeah, the rest of us should get going too," said Minako. She stood up to leave, and noticed Ami and Makoto, who had progressed rather further than just cuddling. "Hey, are you two coming or not? Don't make me throw a bucket of cold water on you two!"

"Rei, she can be so mean, but…" As she was leaving the shrine, Usagi's hand went to her lips. She smiled and blushed, lost in thought as she began her trip home.

Hiding outside of the shrine, having missed just enough of the conversation to get the wrong idea, the Senshi of the Wind and Ocean started plotting.

Later, at the Outer Senshi's house, a discussion was going on.

"Come on" Haruka said. "I'd jump at the chance to go out with her-" A glare from a certain aqua haired painter had her add: "-if I weren't already in a relationship, of course! I love you Michiru, honey!"

Setsuna shook her head. "No, I am not going to "catch Usagi on the rebound." Besides, there are certain… reasons that she and I wouldn't make a good couple."

Michiru scoffed at this. "Name one."

"I slept with her mother."

Haruka and Michiru simply stared at the Senshi of Time.

"What? What?! What is it?" asked Setsuna.

Michiru managed to collect herself enough to ask, "So, when you say that, do you mean..?"

She grinned. "Oh, several times with Serenity, and once with Ikuko while she was in college."

The two senshi stared at the Guardian of Time again. Haruka finally managed to ask her: "Exactly how many relationships have you been in?"

Her grin turned into a smirk. "Oh, a few. Did you know that Sappho was a screamer?"

"My God," Haruka said, "Setsuna's a time pimp."

"Hmm," said Michiru, "I suppose that it makes sense in a way, it must get pretty lonely at the Gates of Time." Setsuna grinned triumphantly and turned to leave, but Michiru stopped her. "However, you don't have to watch the Gates so closely anymore. How many of your past "relationships" have been one night stands?"

Setsuna nervously fiddled with a loose string on her shirt for a moment. "Okay, almost all of them. But one of them _could_ have turned into something serious." Crossing her arms, she mumbled, "It's not _my_ fault Joan went off to fight in the Hundred Years War."

"Well, there you go. You need to find someone you can have a serious relationship with. I-" She carefully went through Setsuna's last comment. "Hold- Hold on one second. Joan of Arc? Really?"

Haruka laughed. "Damn! If I'd known that she was a lesbian, I'd have paid more attention in History class."

"Um…" Setsuna coughed nervously. "Could the two of you please not repeat that to anyone? The historians are still convinced that it's not true, and I don't know what I'd do if you told the others."

Michiru grinned at her. It was the kind you would ironically associate with aquatic predators with multiple rows of teeth. "Oh, of _course_. We won't tell a soul- provided you do something for us. You've got another date for tonight."

Mouth agape, Setsuna stuttered, "How- When did you-" She sighed. "Fine. Who is it?"

At the Tsukino household, reality was beginning to realize that something was wrong… someone was dead, and that meant that _someone else_ wasn't supposed to exist.

Unaware of what the future promised, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were sitting on the floor, watching television. The two youngest senshi laughed as Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage tried to make a truck tire explode. "Now that's what I need." said Chibi-Usa

Hotaru looked at her in interest. "What? A shotgun?"

She laughed, replying with "Well, it would be great against youma. I meant, sometimes I feel like I could really use a weapon or something, you know, in my senshi form." She sighed, adding "I can't really do that much either as myself or as Sailor Chibi-moon, can I?"

"Th-that's not true, Chibi-Usa-chan!" the Senshi of Silence said. "You've done a lot of things!"

The pink haired princess gave her an unconvinced look. "Like what?" she asked.

"I-" Hotaru stopped short. It wasn't because she did not have a response. That was the problem, actually. "_Not much,_" she thought "_You've just been the light of my life and my reason for being, that's all._" Unfortunately, she was far too afraid of what her friend's reaction would be to say this out loud. As a blush crept up her face, Hotaru seemed very interested in the bowl of popcorn that had been sitting, almost forgotten, between the two of them.

It was true, Hotaru was certainly in love with the girl from the future, she had stopped denying it a long time ago. She wasn't the most extroverted of the Sailor Senshi, however, and she hadn't yet worked up the nerve to tell her friend how she felt. She hadn't gone to any of the others for help yet, an intelligent move on her part considering how little help they would have been. Consider, for a moment, Haruka, Minako, and Usagi trying to give her love advice.

Are you done? Not a pretty thought is it? Continuing with Chibi-Usa and Hotaru…

"When we're senshi, I'm almost as bad as Usagi!" Chibi-Usa stuck out her tongue at the thought. She hadn't noticed Hotaru's blush, and continued talking. "I always need someone to rescue me when I get in over my head in a fight-" Her face reddened slightly when she paused, then added, "Although, it's kind of nice when you're the one saving me, Hotaru."

Hotaru looked up, blush intensified, at Chibi-Usa. Their eyes met.

"Actually, Hotaru-chan, there's something I've been needing to tell you." She repositioned herself so that she was sitting in front of the black haired girl. "I-" She stopped, and suddenly a pained look crossed her face. "I don't feel so good." She fell forward, unconscious, and was caught by Hotaru.

"Chibi-Usa-chan!!" Hotaru started to shout for the rest of the Tsukino clan. "Tsukino-san! Shingo! Anyone, help!" That was when she remembered that Kenji was at work, Shingo was spending the night at a friend's house, and Ikuko had gone shopping and was supposed to be gone "only a minute." That had been an hour ago.

She considered calling the other senshi, when she felt a chill go down her spine.

I DON'T THINK IT REALLY COUNTS.

"Well, how about we call it a "death by temporal paradox"?"

Hotaru turned to face Death, well, both of them anyway. She looked up into the empty eye sockets of the taller, skeletal Death and clutched at Chibi-Usa protectively. "Who- Who are you, and what do you want?"

The female Death opened her mouth to explain, but stopped just as she was about to speak. Blinking a couple of times, she turned around, mumbling "Hold that thought." and disappeared.

An uncomfortable silence followed, as Hotaru glared at Death. Attempting to strike a conversation, he drew upon one of the few topics his uncountable years of existence gave him any interest in.

SO, AH, DO YOU LIKE CATS? The senshi of death looked at him confusion. "Uh, they're okay, I guess." Death nodded, and she continued. "I know three that can ta- hold on," she pointed accusingly at him, "you still haven't answered my question! Who are you?! What are you doing here?!"

Before he could reply, the other Death reappeared. Grabbing onto the skeleton's robe, she pulled him out through the nearby door. "Excuse us one second, I need to talk to my associate here."

"Mamoru-san is dead?!" Hotaru gasped at what she'd been told. After she'd left, Death had talked to her oldest brother about Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, and how neither of them were "destined" to die yet (he's in charge of things like that, after all). When she'd returned, Death pulled the other reaper from the room to fill him in. Afterwards, they began to explain the situation to Hotaru (starting with the fact they were personifications of death, but we skipped that thanks to the power of the flash forward).

"Right," Death responded, "and that means your friend there won't have a father, which means she won't be born. In a few hours, once the effect of that kind of paradox hits the moment she was supposed to be born, she'll cease to exist."

Hotaru looked at both of them desperately. "Isn't there some way to save her?"

Death grinned, as the other Death replied: WELL, HYPOTHETICALLY, IF YOU WERE TO FIND SOMEONE THAT HER MOTHER CARES ABOUT DEEPLY TO TAKE HER FATHER'S PLACE, SHE COULD STILL BE BORN. Throwing in her two cents, Death added; "I'm probably not supposed to say this, but considering some of the medical advances that will take place in the next few years, this replacement _father_ might not even have to be male."

Hotaru nodded, picked up Chibi-Usa and stood up. "So I just need to find someone for Usagi-san to be with," She walked over to a nearby couch and laid the pink headed senshi down on it. "…and soon. I think I know someone that can help."

"Oh, one second." Death leaned down and whispered something to Hotaru, who nodded. "I'll ask her, but I can't promise anything."

With that, she exited the Tsukino home, and began running down the sidewalk. "Someone that can help… yeah, she knows more abut love and relationships than anyone. I just hope she's at home."

Back in the room she'd rushed out of, the skeletal Death scratched the back of his skull. SO, I SUPPOSE WE'LL JUST STAY HERE THEN?

The scene with Chibi-Usa and Hotaru watching Mythbusters was partially inspired by writer-jm's story: The Competition for Serenity's Heart. His/Her(?) stories are all very good and funny. Read them. (In a completely unrelated note, I keep thinking of Hotaru wearing a beret and fake mustache, while she and a bespectacled Chibi-Usa test urban myths at the Hikawa Jinja… Quickly! Someone write that as a story!)


	3. Rei

In his room, the author munched on potato chips as he watched a movie. "Oh, that Inigo Montoya." he chuckled, "No, you certainly are not left handed." As he shoved another fistful of chips into his mouth, the door to the room slammed open. Looking up in surprise, he was only able to gasp in shock (and almost choke his on chips) as several figures entered the room. Each one was noticeably angry. At the front of the group were Usagi, Rei, Minako, Hotaru, and Chibi-Usa.

"Do you know how long it's been since you worked on our story?" Minako asked, glaring at the crumb covered teenager. After swallowing, he managed "Er, what story?" As the group glared at him for a few moments, realization dawned on him. "Oh. Oh! That story. Um…" They continued to glare.

The author quickly turned off the television and sat in front of his laptop. "I'll just get to work on that."

______________________________________________________________

At the Hikawa shrine, Rei sighed as she sat down, her thoughts turning to the pigtailed blonde that left some time ago. The miko had been thinking about her feelings for Usagi for some time, and while she'd wanted to confess, she didn't want to just be the rebound after Mamoru. "But if I wait too long and she finds someone else…" she thought, feeling defeated, "…maybe I should just give up now and move on?" Almost as if in answer, her cell phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Haruka, what's up?"

And so…

"Minako! Phone for you! It's Rei!" The blonde took the phone from her mother. "Hello, you've reached Minako Aino's Palace of Love, may I take your order?"

"Hah, you're hilarious. Anyway, I need your advice on something. I'm going on a date and-" Rei was interrupted by the blonde. "You finally asked Usagi out?! Jeez, I was wondering what was taking you so long."

The miko sighed before answering "Actually no, it isn't Usagi. I-" but she was once again interrupted. "Rei, my friend, whom I care for deeply… Please tell me it isn't Yuichiro."

On the other end, Rei gagged. "Oh, hell no! Besides, the author hates all of the extraneous anime characters. Except for Elsa Grey." There were a few moments of silence on both ends, perhaps in memory of the fourth wall, before the Senshi of fire continued. "Haruka and Michiru have set me up with Setsuna. We're meeting in the park in an hour."

"So," began the blonde, "What advice did you need?"

Rei coughed and, unseen to Minako, blushed. "I can't decide, slacks or skirt?" On the other end, Minako's expression became unreadable as she glared at the phone.

"If you really want my advice, if the horse throws you off, you should GET UP AND RIDE A COWBOY!!" She mashed the off button and crossed her arms. "Honestly, she finally gets a shot at Usagi and she pulls this?" Then she actually thought about what she just told the miko. "Oh, huh, that sounded wrong, even to me."

Rei sweat dropped and looked at the phone in her hand, her ears still ringing. "What the heck did that mean? Screw it, I'm going with the slacks."

______________________________________________________________

As she leaned against the door to Minako's house, Hotaru took deep gulps of air. "I… shouldn't… (pant) have… run the whole… (gasp) way. I could have… (gulp) called her. Or get… (wheeze) Makoto to do it… for me. Where the hell is she anyway?"

Not sparing the brunette another thought, she rang the doorbell. Minako's mother opened the door to reveal a pale young girl in a black dress, who was red in the face and out of breath. "Oh, you're one of Minako's friends, right?" Hotaru managed to nod her head.

"You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." Minako giggled as her mother led Hotaru into her room. The blonde looked up and smiled at the dark girl as Mrs. Aino closed the door behind her. "Hey," Minako said, "What's up?" Hotaru took a deep breath and…

Several Minutes of Explanation and Later:

"So that's the situation, huh?" Minako summarized, "Something's happened to Chibi-Usa, and then these "Mysterious People," whom you refuse to describe, show up and tell you that she's going to stop existing because Mamoru got his stupid ass killed in the States, and the only way to fix everything is to get Usagi hooked up with someone soon?"

For a few moments, Hotaru was afraid that the blonde didn't believe her. As Minako began to grin, however, she felt an even greater fear. "Don't sweat it! The Goddess of Love herself has a foolproof plan! Hell, I was thinking about spying on those two anyway!"

"What?"

Minako began to explain, "I happen to know that Rei is going on a date with your mama pretty soon. All we have to do is ruin it, and Rei will run off into the arms of the one that we ALL know she is desperately in love with."

Hotaru gasped in shock. "Michiru-mama is cheating on Haruka-papa with Rei?!" Minako gave the girl a disappointed look. "Sorry, the author thought it would be funny." Minako shook her head. "It wasn't. It was the opposite of funny." Minako looked at you, the reader. "Seriously, our author really sucks."

______________________________________________________________

Sitting on a bench, Rei watched as other park-goers walked by on the sidewalk. Noticing a shimmer of dark green, she waved to Setsuna as the time Senshi made her way over. Both women were casually dressed, perfect for a more relaxed date than at Setsuna's favorite restaurant. The one that really needs a name. Yeah.

Rei chuckled as she stood up. "Hey there, and welcome to your second date courtesy of Haruka and Michiru, the magical girl dating service," she announced in an exaggerated manner.

Setsuna let out a small laugh and smiled. "Well, they do try their best. Actually, it's my third." At Rei's inquisitive look, Setsuna merely said "You don't want to know. I'm still not sure if I was supposed to be going out the girl or her creepy teddy bear." She sighed and shook her head. "So, any ideas on what we will be doing on this little outing?" Setsuna felt fairly at ease around Rei, since the raven-haired girl seemed to be taking their arranged date about as seriously as she did.

Rei shrugged. "I thought we could just walk in the park until we come up with something better." As they were walking, Rei glanced over at Setsuna several times. It did not go unnoticed. "Something on your mind?" The miko scratched the back of her head.

"Um, Setsuna, you don't happen to know what will happen with Usagi do you?" At the greenette's questioning look, Rei added; "You know, with Mamoru and everything?"

Setsuna smiled and closed her eyes. "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future." Rei stared at the other woman for a moment, then crossed her arms over her chest. "You're geeking out on me Sets."

The older woman held back a giggle before replying: "So says the Buffy fangirl." Rei blushed but managed to retort with "Hey! Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot." The two walked in silence for a few minutes until Setsuna broke it. "We all know you've got a thing for blondes, Hino." She laughed as Rei's blush deepened before adding "Not that I'm disagreeing with you."

Not far away, Hotaru and Minako hid behind several bushes as they watched the two women walk down the sidewalk. Minako sighed, her expression betraying her boredom. "God, they aren't even doing anything. We probably just have to wait until they both decide that the date isn't going anywhere."

Hotaru pouted and grabbed Minako's sleeve, "But we don't have the time for that!" The blonde patted the younger girl's head "Relax, I called Usagi on the way here and- there she is!"

Behind Rei and Setsuna, Usagi was doing a rather poor job of tailing the two women. That's right; trench coat, fedora, newspaper with eyeholes cut out, every spy cliché you can think of. It was a wonder that the painfully conspicuous girl hadn't already been spotted by the very people she was stalking. As she walked by a bush, a hand shot out, grabbed her, and pulled her behind it. "WAAA-mph!" she shouted. Rei turned around, but saw nothing. She shrugged and continued her conversation with Setsuna.

Minako removed her hand from Usagi's mouth. "Shh!" The pigtailed blonde relaxed, "Oh, good, I was wondering where you were Minako," she looked over at Hotaru and waved, "Hey Hota-" She stopped when she looked at Hotaru's glare. "Is something wrong Hotaru?"

The Senshi of death continued glaring at the princess for a few moments, then looked at Minako, then at Rei and Setsuna, who were steadily moving away from the three of them. Then she looked back at Usagi. "Oh hell no. This chapter has been over a year in the making, I am NOT letting it end with a 'series of wacky hijinks' culminating in an angry Usagi confessing to Rei in front of Setsuna-mama who approves wholeheartedly." She suddenly materialized her Silence Glaive and pointed at Usagi.

"You! Do you like Rei enough to go out with her, fall in love, get married, rule the future Tokyo, and have an adorable pink-haired child that comes back in time and confesses to me?"

Usagi was still looking at the goofy looking, yet sharp, blade in front of her "What? I-I-" Hotaru thrust the glaive closer to the blonde's face. "Rei, yes or no?!" Usagi gulped and answered "Ye-yes."

The younger Senshi grabbed Usagi's hand and dragged her in the direction of Rei and Setsuna.

Minako watched the two of them leave in confusion.

_______________________________________________________________

"Ah, speaking of vampires, there's this movie I'd been planning on seeing." Rei mentioned. Setsuna looked at her dubiously. "If it's the one I'm thinking of, you might want to pass on it. Not if you're looking for Buffy-style vampires." At the miko's confused look, she added, "The vampires sparkle."

Just as Rei was about to ask the obvious question, she noticed Hotaru approaching them pulling Usagi behind her. The young Senshi stomped up to Rei, took the miko's hand and put Usagi's hand in it. The two looked down at their joined hands and blushed.

"Rei." Hotaru was now pointing her glaive at the miko. "Take her out to dinner. Now."

Neither of the women heard her as they became lost in each other's eyes. The two slowly began to inch closer to one another, their lips almost touching…

"Oh for the love of god!" shouted Hotaru, who unceremoniously bumped Usagi closer to Rei with the butt of the Silence Glaive. Their lips met and…

The kiss started out chaste enough, but as Usagi and Rei closed their eyes, they slowly got more into it. Tongues were definitely employed after a certain point.

"Close enough." Hotaru turned to Setsuna. "Sorry about your date, Setsuna-mama. Just know that it was definitely for the greater good." The greenette would have replied, but found it hard to stop staring at Rei and Usagi making out so enthusiastically.

"Hotaru-chan!" Both of the Senshi not currently locking lips turned to see Chibi-Usa running towards them, followed by two other figures. The pink-haired girl pulled Hotaru into a close hug. "Hotaru, I…" She trailed off. "Chibi-Usa-chan…" Hotaru pulled the girl from the future closer until their lips met. Hey, it's a romantic moment, what else did you expect to happen?

Setsuna looked between the two new couples. "Two chapters, two romantic loose ends all tied up. I guess that makes sense. To a brain-dead monkey."

The female figure that had followed Chibi-Usa to the park tapped Hotaru on the shoulder and whispered something into her ear. Hotaru pulled away from the yam-headed girl to look at Setsuna. "Oh Setsuna-mama, can I ask you for a favor?"

_______________________________________________________________

At a familiar restaurant, where the sign that should have proudly displayed the establishment's name sat empty, and some tarp covered a large hole in the wall next to the door, Setsuna took another sip of her wine. "So you're- ?"

The dark clothed woman seated on the other side of the table smiled. "I am an anthropomorphic personification of the End of All Things. That which no lock may hold nor fastened portal bar. The 'Omega' in Alpha and Omega. But you can call me Death."

The time senshi smiled politely. "Really?" However, she thought: "I hope that this isn't something that Hotaru-chan will do on a regular basis. I think she's picking up bad habits from Haruka and Michiru."

______________________________________________________________

Back at the park, Minako looked confused, still hiding behind the bush.

"What the hell just happened?"

She felt something bony tap her shoulder. Turning around, she looked up into a grinning face that seemed… off somehow.

PARDON ME, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO ANKH-MORPORK?

______________________________________________________________

Ikuko Tsukino opened the door to her home. "Usa-chan, Hotaru-chan! I'm back! You wouldn't believe the line…" She looked into the room they had been watching television in. "Where could they have gone?"

Ikuko doesn't baby-sit that often anymore.

______________________________________________________________

The author smiled as he typed the last few sentences. With a smile, he turned to see that the crowd had left. However, when he moved to turn the television back on, his eyes widened as his mind became inundated with new story ideas. His smile became a crazed grin that became wider and wider, until he rushed to window and threw it open. "Attention world of fan fiction," he shouted, "Guess who's baa-aack!"

Several dogs began barking and someone yelled back "No one cares!"

______________________________________________________________

Perky!Death belongs to Neil Gaiman

Death that SPEAKS LIKE THIS belongs to Terry Pratchett.

Both of these men are writers of the highest caliber, and I hope they'll pardon me using their characters in such a manner.

The same goes for Naoko Takeuchi's characters. Obviously.

I think that Rei came out a little dorky in this.

Also, Baka Gaijin 30, if you are reading this, thank you for a certain idea that I used. You know the one. You mentioned it a while ago, but it was simply too awesome not to include. ;D


	4. Author's Notes

Author's Notes Special:

A camera flickers on, revealing a room that had most likely been designed to seem cozy. The wall was lined with shelves filled books, a cheery fire blazed in the fireplace, and in the center of the room, the author, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, sat in a comfortable looking chair; his feet, clad in fuzzy pink slippers, rested on an ottoman. A small table next to the chair held a plate of junk food and a glass of orange soda. Unfortunately, the effect was ruined as the camera zoomed out, revealing it to be a cheaply produced set. The author looked off-screen, a worried look on his face.

"Hey, are we rolling yet?" Unseen, someone answered in affirmation.

The author nodded, took a deep breath, then turned to the camera. He wore an extremely cheesy smile. "Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. Welcome to the first ever, and may I add, UNSCRIPTED, author notes special."

With a flourish, he reached for his glass of soda, accidentally knocking it over, it contents splashing onto the floor dramatically. Several stage technicians rushed on-screen armed with mops and paper towels, but the author waved them all away. With a scowl, he pushed his glasses back up. "Ahem. Normally, I do not personally appear in my own stories. I prefer to go through an intermediary, like the Pegasus Hunter here." A fedora-and-trench-coat clad figure holding a shotgun walked on stage and touched the rim of his hat. "Nice to meet you, D. E. Machina, (certified) Pegasus Hunter, at your service." He then stepped back off-screen.

The author continued, "Last chapter, on the other hand, I did make an appearance. Honestly? It doesn't really mean anything. After this, I really don't plan on doing it again. But that brings me to my next point, where exactly is this story headed? What is the future of my attempts at fan-fiction. You, the fans, probably want to know."

The camera moved to focus on the audience. Roughly six people were sitting in the stands. One person coughed uncomfortably, and another got up to leave complaining "This isn't the set of the Report!" The camera moved back to the author who was sweating and wearing a very forced smile.

"W-Well, you might have guessed that, from the previous pairings in the story, the original plan was for Setsuna and Minako to end up together. Unfortunately, I haven't really found a way to add it into the main story. I am definitely going to continue the story, and I will certainly attempt to keep the key and final pairing Setsuna/Minako, but I confess I still haven't decided on how it will happen." The author sighed and relaxed. "Still, I do have some interesting ideas on what to do with the story, and I hope you enjoy how it turns out, however that may be."

"My biggest concern is that I want the finale, in which Minako and Setsuna (potentially) get together to be fairly nice, and not the ham-fisted rush job of last chapter, which I plan on going back one day and rewriting. Regardless, I will certainly try my best to keep you entertained, to make you laugh and go 'squee!'." The author gave a wide smile, and off-screen someone yelled "Cut!"

The author relaxed and stood up. "Good job everybody." He turned to someone with a clipboard. "Do we have the crossover characters lined up for the next few chapters?" The man nodded, before gesturing to two figures standing near the door. "Yeah, it's all set up for the most part. Those two wanted to talk to you about their recurring role, though. Also, Miss Kino submitted another complaint about the next chapter, and Miss Aino said she had some advice on her characterization." The author nodded, and turned to walk towards the two women that man had pointed out. One was a dusky-skinned woman with violet hair put up into a ponytail. Her companion was shorter and looked younger, her black hair pulled back into two long braids. She wore a black kimono and a sword at her side.

"Hello, and welcome to the team. I know that I haven't written a story set in your universe yet, but that might change soon."


End file.
